No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
