a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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