yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
