dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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