you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
