i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
