I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
