Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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