In the future we'll all be gay
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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