I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
