im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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