You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
