He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
