I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
