i will never coherently bang her
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
