david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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