what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
