great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
