Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
