yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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