Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
