It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
