my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
