Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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