just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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