my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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