I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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