Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
