final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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