Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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