omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
