Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
