i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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