I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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