that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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