do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
