and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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