omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
