theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
