Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
