He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
