You really coming over, don't trick.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
this will be a night to untag.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
40s are totally the cure
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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