I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
