The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
