there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
