that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
