loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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