Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
