Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
