Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
