u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
