I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
