Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
