our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
