I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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