I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
