Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
