someone get that fucking seahorse.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
