just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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