so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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