I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
