So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
